Heretical Fishing

Book 5: Chapter 29: Rude Gestures

Book 5: Chapter 29: Rude Gestures

Heretical Fishing

I was walking through the forest in search of wild berries when a panicked scream shattered my peace of mind.

“Fischer!” It was raspy as if bellowed on an inhalation. “Healer! I need a heal—”

The seconds it took to seize control of my power felt like an eternity. Maria and I arrived in the northern district of Tropica, both riddled with anxiety and surrounded by light that obscured the bedroom we stood within. I drew the brilliance back into my core before it could disperse, not wanting to cause any further stress.

“It’s time! It’s happening! It’s here! What do I do?” Steven’s eyes looked ready to bulge right out of his head. “What do I do?” He repeated, hysterical. “What do I—”

Ruby cut him off with a noise that was half hiss, half growl. “Would you...” She paused to grunt. “Please calm down?”

Steven spoke again, trying to reply to his wife at the same time as he addressed me, his two different sentences taking turns at controlling his tongue. It was just as illegible as it sounded.

Ruby blinked then cackled with laughter. “What was that?”

I reached out with my senses to feel her aura, and what I found made the heat return to my extremities. “Frack me, Steven. You about gave me a heart attack, mate.”

Maria swept forward to Ruby’s side, her clouds of pink chi flowing out, engulfing the room.

Steven was far from reassured. “She’s pregnant!”

I laughed at that, unable to help myself, and I clapped him on the shoulder. “She is? Since when?”

“She’s! I mean she’s—”

“In labor. I know. We could tell just by looking at her. No offense, Rubes.”

“None taken.” Sweat ran down her bunched brow. “However I look, I feel worse.” She grunted. “I forgot what pain felt like.”

As her essence assessed Ruby, Maria’s eyes went wide, but her smile was tinged with awe. “It should be too early, but your baby is in perfect health. The pain is your core. It’s... it’s giving some of itself—some of you—to your unborn child.”

Steven took a step forward, his terror returning in full. I bathed him calming essence. Or tried to. “Normal, mate.”

He whirled on me. “How do you know that?”

“Maria can tell. I know yours is the first child a cultivator has had, but her purpose doesn’t lie.”

My wife nodded, both hands resting on Ruby’s abdomen. “Everything is going well. It’s... it’s almost time. Not much longer.”

“Anything I can get you, Rubes?”

“Helen and Sharon. Please. They know what I...” She winced, whole body clenching. “Dionysus’s effeminate cock! Why does it hurt so much?”

“His effeminate wha—”

“Helen and Sharon!” she bellowed.

I dashed from the room before Ruby could launch an attack my way, reaching out to forewarn the two women. I waited a few seconds for their mental approval, then brought them to me. Neither said a word as they ran past me, arms laden with all manner of things. A jug of lemonade, assorted herbs... a stitched blanket radiating power?

Before I could inspect the latter, they closed the door behind them, and I withdrew my senses. Others mentally checked in with me, detecting the happenings and asking if their presence was needed, but at my reassurance, they reluctantly went about their day. A few couldn’t help themselves, however, and they soon arrived outside. I went to meet them.

Barry, Bonnie, and I talked quietly on the stoop of the lavish, System-made home. We’d only just started to broach the subject of cultivator-born children when a sanity-splitting scream tore out into the village. Before it could come again, I used all of my will to raise walls of chi, containing what should be the private noises of a soon-to-be mother. But instead of another scream, an anomalous rush of chi came next.

“No way...” I said.

Barry had shot to his feet, his heart thumping, a grin forming on his face. “Add one more item to the list of benefits being a cultivator brings.”

“No kidding,” Bonnie replied, curiosity flooding from her core. “How long was that?”

“Not even ten minutes,” I answered, fighting off the urge to either run back in or send tendrils of awareness in my stead.

“Fischer!” Maria’s voice in my mind was sweet like honey. “Come in! All of you! Ruby says it’s fine!”

I dropped my shielding and almost fell to my knees when the various sensations hit me, but Barry caught my arm, and we rushed inside as swiftly as seemed appropriate. Which, in retrospect, was probably still a little too fast. It wasn’t an everyday occurrence that one of your best friends gave birth.

Helen held the door to their room open, and I slowed just enough that I could stop without skidding across the hardwood floor. Ruby was weeping, as was Steven, lines of tears streaming down their faces. Their daughter rested on her mother’s chest, the newborn’s tiny face moving only slightly. Her lip quivered, parted, and released the mightiest cry her little lungs could manage. It would have come close to rupturing a normal human’s eardrums.

“Yep!” I said as she drew another breath. “Definitely a cultivator!” Just like with Paul, the System had stepped in to limit her strength, the restrictions on her grape-sized core even more thorough. I strode forward without realizing it, my hand moving to rest on her tiny back. I caught myself just in time. “Oh. Uh. Is it okay if—”

“Of course,” Steven interrupted, shifting aside.

I took another step, fingers extended, palm lowering, and froze again, this pause for a very different reason. Her tiny nexus of power drew in hungrily, and the newborn changed. Amniotic fluid, remnant vernix, and a thin line of chi I suspected was the umbilical cord all disappeared with a wet slurp, sinking into her core. Her small lil noggin, slightly cone-shaped from passing through the birth canal, formed together, skull plates fusing. It shouldn’t have taken place for months, if not years, based on what little knowledge of human development I possessed.

Stunned gasps cut through the tension, each coming from one of the women. The men, however—myself included—all shared a glance. Even Steven looked vaguely horrified, his eyes darting to check if Barry and I had just seen and heard what he had. We nodded in silent agreement, knowing that acknowledging how disconcerting that was might result in violent expulsion from the house—likely via one or more of the walls.

“That’s amazing!” Maria said, entranced.

“Y-Yeah!” I fibbed, my stutter earning me an accusatory glare from Maria. “It reminds me of... of... uhhh...”

You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

“A seed!” Helen helpfully yelled. “Like a seed absorbing the surrounding fruit, using it as fuel with which to sprout!”

“That’s what I was going to say!” Barry lied. “It’s... what’s the word?”

“Poetic!” Sharon’s eyes were filled with cultish fervor. “It’s poetic.”

Steven, his chest shaking, wiped a remnant tear from his cheek. The bastard was feigning speechlessness. I wished I’d thought of it.

Blessedly, it was too positive an experience for those negative emotions to linger, and Maria’s stare drifted away, landing on a far more adorable target. Absorbing the various sources of her mother’s essence had apparently tuckered out the newborn, causing her to drift off to sleep.

As I stared down at her miniature form, I felt the need to reach out again and rest my palm against her back and shoulders. There would be plenty of time for that, though. For now, I stepped back, giving them space. Steven engulfed his wife and newborn daughter in a hug. Maria wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me tight, her love for me pouring out, the room slipping into silence.

The quiet was abruptly shattered by twin hisses, far away yet deafening in my mind. Maria and I jolted. They’d called to her too. We shared a glance, nodded, and I lingered just long enough to gather my chi.

“Love you guys,” I said in a rush, “but we gotta go.”

“We’ll be back soon,” Maria added, clinging tight to my arm. “We’re needed elsewhere.”

“And don’t worry.” I shot Ruby a wink. “I’ll have a name by the time we retur—Shit!”

I had to teleport us away before I could finish my sentence, lest Ruby’s thrown jug of lemonade smash against my forehead.

The scene we arrived in was entirely divorced from our last visit here. Where the moon’s haunting light had cast an ethereal glow over the murky lake, the sun now beaming down from above made its waters shine emerald green. A soft breeze brushed past, a cool respite from the humid air already clinging to my skin. All around, insects chirped, competing to be heard above the twittering of tiny birds who flitted about the surrounding forest. The lake looked almost inviting, if not for my knowledge of the spirit beast who dwelled in its depths.

Just beside us, two lobsters screamed overtop one another, using both words and memories to communicate what they needed from... us? Nope. Only Maria.

I pouted and folded my arms. “Am I just a convenient—and classically handsome—taxi service to you people? Today’s gonna give me some kinda complex.”

“They’re not people, dear. They’re lobsters.” Maria patted my arm. “And try not to blame yourself. It’s not your fault I’m so talented.”

“That’s a good point. Lucky I’m—”

Shelly raced forward with foam streaming from her mouth, having no patience for our jokes. We’d known she wouldn’t, which was exactly why we had tried to inject a little whimsy into the situation. What neither of us guessed, however, was that Pistachio would have even less patience for our shenanigans. He squealed in outrage, letting out a high-pitched noise I’d never heard from the stoic lobster.

Maria and I shared some side-eye, and I wisely chose to shut my mouth and get out of the way. Maria swept forth, clouds of pink chi preceding her, already flowing out over the placid lake.

The colossal fish within sensed Maria’s approach. It had withdrawn its power from the surroundings and suffused the lake, explaining the emerald tint I’d misattributed to the sun. The thing bristled beneath the surface, broadcasting its intent, fins flaring out, the deadly spines protruding.

A pal with spikes of his own felt the threat. Teddy growled in my mind, but I reassured him, telling him not to worr—

“Fischer!” chided Maria, her thoughts cutting through mine. “Kinda busy! Stop yapping!”

Teddy’s whine was the bear equivalent of ‘oh shit, she mad’.

“And stop misinterpreting Teddy on purpose!” Maria added for his sake, but he had already fled.

The fish let out a rumbling grunt that shook the world, vibrating my every cell. Maria’s awareness had encroached on the surface layer of the lake, making the impact even more visceral for her. She had to stop feeding power to the network below, but she and Slimes didn’t relent. They eased in toward the aggrieved spirit beast with care, constantly radiating their good intentions. Like the cornered animal it was, the creature dug itself into the mud, its savagely spiked fins puffed out in warning.

“Now,”

hissed Shelly.

Despite my focus being on Maria’s senses, the ideal forming in Sergeant Shell’s core drew me once more back to my body. It was warm, then cold. Solid, then shifting. Insistent, then passive. Ever it changed. Altered.

“Yes,” confirmed Shelly, her will slamming down into Maria’s pink haze. “Alter.” The air buzzed with it. “Change.” Time slowed. Sound retreated. All went still. “Transform.”

Maria gasped. Slimes cooed. The fish attacked.

It lashed out, anger and confusion and terrible fear demanding action, its fins raising, retracting... shooting? I tried to raise a dome of solid light, intent on catching the dozens of barbs that shot into the sky, but I wasn’t ready. It took me too long to gather my essence. The last thing I wanted was for one of the spears to come back down on the other side of the continent and turn some poor farmer into a shish kebab, so I used all four of my partitions to create giant rectangular shields high above, pushing my will and weakened essence to the brink.

When the barbs hit my shields, they made a sound like hail on a tin roof, shafts of bone exploding, the splinters raining harmlessly down. A small part of me was curious how long the spines would take to regrow, but the creature wasn’t given a chance to try. Maria’s essence engulfed it, the clouds of chi assisted by Slimes and guided by Shelly.

The transformation began. The fish could only witness while its core was altered. Great craters, barely half filled by the last attempt at healing, shone brilliantly. Shelly was there, down on the metaphysical surface, her soul screaming her intent.

Change.

In her view, it was the basis of existence. To be without it was to be stagnant. Dead. To her, it transcended all else. There was no such thing as a perfect soul. Even among those who called themselves ‘good,’ morality was subjective. People and things changed from moment to moment and from situation to situation. All one could do was take another step forward, learning from the past as they went.

That resonated with the fish. It—no, she was far more aware than I’d given her credit for. I spiralled down, drawn into her memories. I braced myself. What secrets would be revealed? My vision faded, my expectations soared... and I was spat back out with force, the fishy spirit beast sending me a pulse of chi akin to old Rocky’s aggressively passionate gestures.

Maria laughed so hard she almost lost control of her essence. Shelly, however, wouldn’t allow it. The time for change was nigh, and each of the now-countless translucent crustaceans slammed shut their ephemeral clackers.

The spirit beast’s core flashed, accepted Shelly’s influence, and was made whole—a perfect sphere. Just like that, it was done. No discovered ideal, no breakthrough, no personality adjustment. For the fish, that is. Shelly was a different story.

Fwoooom!

Air rushed into her, as did the countless bubbles of pure chi that had been building all around. Her desire for change flooded out, creating an explosion I let bloom, my curiosity too great to smother it. Shelly’s transformative aspect consumed the nearby trees, completely changing their layouts, each plant taking on a unique shape. One was all twisty, like a bonsai manipulated over hundreds of years to grow in spirals. Another seemed inverted, its branches and leaves reminding me of moss-covered roots. The rest were too abstract to describe in the moment.

I wanted to inspect them up close. I got as far as taking a single step forward before I was blasted with a thick pillar of water. Soaked, I wiped the lake from my eyes and stared at my assailant. “Do you feel good about yourself?”

The fish stared back, showing no remorse.

“Maria?”

“Yes, Fischer?”

“She knows I could kick her into space if I wanted to, right?”

“Yes,” hissed Shelly, nodding.

The colossal fish spun to face Shelly, gave her what could vaguely be perceived as a thankful nod, then sank back down to the depths, one fin lingering to give me the same rude gesture as earlier, but physically this time.

I looked down at my clothes, shrugged, and cleansed the muck and moisture away with a pulse of light. “I’d hoped letting her hit me with that would help lower her guard. Turns out she’s just an asshole.”

“Yes,” hissed Shelly again.

“Forget that!” Maria dashed forward, ducked down to Shelly’s height, and released an absolute onslaught of words. “You did it! This is where you two have been? I can’t believe it! Your purpose might not be healing, but it’s kinda similar! No matter how much I tried, I couldn’t have done what you just did! What did you even do? You fixed it, but the fish is clearly still a bit of a prick.”

Shelly shrugged.

“She is a prick, isn’t she?” I asked. “Sassy as hell for a big fish in a small pond. I’m of half a mind to bomb-dive into her lake and say wassup. Maybe give her a piece of my—”

All four of us, two humans and two lobsters, went rigid as a pulse of essence struck us, so strong that we felt it all the way out here.

I started gathering my chi, swept forward, and hastily patted Shelly’s carapace. In the same movement, I crouched to fist bump one of Pistachio’s massive snippers, but straightened as a guttural roar came flooding into my mind.

I grasped Maria’s outstretched hand, pictured where the harsh call had come from, and prayed that we would get there in time.